You always seem to look past me. It's no secret I obsess over this detail, in spite of your overall wonderfulness. I complain about it. I threaten to leave over its implications. But mostly I just stare at you, hoping to catch your gaze. I try not to be jealous, especially of the trivial things that are so often the objects of your gaze - the motion of a ceiling fan, the colors in a blanket, the pattern of stars in the sky...But I wonder, how can they be more fascinating than me - a complex human being who can communicate, think and create? Is it an indictment against me, my lack of visual and conceptual interest? I find it so difficult to concentrate on anything but you when you are near me. The rest of the world fades away, becoming the muted background to our love story. Why aren't you similarly affected?
I don't ask to be the only thing you pay attention to. I am not that self-centered. And, certainly, you aren't the only thing that holds my interest. But don't you know how important it is to be looked at? How much can go on in the meeting between two sets of eyes? Maybe I've watched too many movies. Maybe I look to you for reassurance when I should find it within myself. But even if I'm mostly wrong about this, I know I am at least part right. So I continue to demand your attention. But you know how it goes - the more I stare at you, the more you look away. And the more you ignore me, the more I anguish over it.
I don't think it was always this way. Weren't the roles reversed once? I remember the day we first met. You were so into me. The discomfort I felt is still palpable when I recall that day. But then again, there was also that feeling that you were rather 'robotic'. It's not that you were at all cold - in fact, you were unusually affectionate and inquisitive. It's just that I didn't understand you, didn't feel any sense of familiarity in your presence. Your eyes - where were they looking? What kind of person were you? What were you thinking in that formidable brain of yours? I had no idea. I know you much better now. But what I would give to get back your rapt attention...
