How does one write without being self-aggrandizing, without sounding utterly self-important? Most of the time, the act of writing disgusts me. It almost requires the production of easily digestible soundbites, statements simplified by the constraints of intercommunication. To write is to limit oneself. And I don't want to be pinned down. My written words don't betray "who I am." Pomposity. There's nothing new about this insight, but I'll say it again - our words reveal who we wish to be. Ultimately (or maybe initially), writing is an act of ingratiating desperation.
...
I have a 'Zen board' which is just a piece of cardboard that you write or draw on with a paintbrush dipped in water. Whatever image you create disappears in just a few seconds. If only this page were a zen board.
***edit: to say this is dishonest on my part. i have the ability to delete anything i write soon after i write it, or never to write it at all. i just don't wish to.
For more on this subject, see: Zen And the Art of Doing Things Badly
Saturday, February 11, 2006
A collector's dream
I desire to collect truths like other people collect stamps or baseball cards or lovers. Not silly little facts about any old subject, but the kinds of truths that guide you in this world as you battle the crisis of having been born a human being - both remarkably intelligent and vastly ignorant. After all, like any other collectible, you can itemize truths, make a list of them, display 'em to the world. But I wouldn't store them away in a drawer or put them behind a glass case, no, I'd carry my truths around with me all the time - wear them like armor. Truths, when they're determined to be so, are indestructible by definition, unlike the delicate relics typically chosen by collectors. And this is the allure of truth-collecting - that it has the ability to become a part of you. What is collecting anyway but the activity of obsessive-compulsives who find in it some respite from the constant nagging sense of incompleteness, or the sad-sack whose collection makes him feel important, valuable, somehow less invisible?
I've run into a crucial problem however. That is, I can't seem to hold onto truths for too long. There is very little I think I know for sure about the world, life, or myself. Perhaps, then, this is an impossible chase, and a silly kind of collection to have - after all, collections imply unusually large numbers of things. What kind of a collection holds only two items? I can't even give the excuse that it's merely the fledgling collection of a beginner. I've been seeking out truths all my life! And another problem with this collection - I see truths as objects - to own, to hold, to count. Maybe I need to change my perspective completely - to see truths as temporary aids to daily living rather than big and final answers to the grand problem of life.
In any case, the things I do know to be true have remained such constants in my experience and such reliable problem-solving techniques in many an existential crisis, that I find it almost impossible to put away this collection. These truths I hold dear:
1. These are the things that make me happy (a collection in itself) - the kinds of things that have the power to bring me that sense of joy that feels like the glowing incarnation of beauty and peace and bliss all at once: playing music, crafting art, writing, being around children and animals, forming loyal friendships and other kinds of social bonds, knowing that my family is healthy and happy, spending time with my family, loving and being loved and being IN love, having children, acts of social service, and the knowledge that I have had a positive effect on someone else's life.
2. When I think about all these things that make life for me worth living, and that motivate all my worldly pursuits, they really fall into two basic categories: connectedness and creation.
So my conclusion is that to be fully human we must be connected to the world - nature, other people, the products of our own making, and not least of all, the regeneration of life itself. Conversely what brings us misery, makes us less fully actualized humans, is alienation from these things.
I've run into a crucial problem however. That is, I can't seem to hold onto truths for too long. There is very little I think I know for sure about the world, life, or myself. Perhaps, then, this is an impossible chase, and a silly kind of collection to have - after all, collections imply unusually large numbers of things. What kind of a collection holds only two items? I can't even give the excuse that it's merely the fledgling collection of a beginner. I've been seeking out truths all my life! And another problem with this collection - I see truths as objects - to own, to hold, to count. Maybe I need to change my perspective completely - to see truths as temporary aids to daily living rather than big and final answers to the grand problem of life.
In any case, the things I do know to be true have remained such constants in my experience and such reliable problem-solving techniques in many an existential crisis, that I find it almost impossible to put away this collection. These truths I hold dear:
1. These are the things that make me happy (a collection in itself) - the kinds of things that have the power to bring me that sense of joy that feels like the glowing incarnation of beauty and peace and bliss all at once: playing music, crafting art, writing, being around children and animals, forming loyal friendships and other kinds of social bonds, knowing that my family is healthy and happy, spending time with my family, loving and being loved and being IN love, having children, acts of social service, and the knowledge that I have had a positive effect on someone else's life.
2. When I think about all these things that make life for me worth living, and that motivate all my worldly pursuits, they really fall into two basic categories: connectedness and creation.
So my conclusion is that to be fully human we must be connected to the world - nature, other people, the products of our own making, and not least of all, the regeneration of life itself. Conversely what brings us misery, makes us less fully actualized humans, is alienation from these things.
Friday, February 10, 2006
a rhyme
I have a friend
she says, hon- what's your sign?
but it's not a pickup line,
when stars and characters align
everything makes sense - it's her paradigm
For more on this subject, see: Find Your Fate
she says, hon- what's your sign?
but it's not a pickup line,
when stars and characters align
everything makes sense - it's her paradigm
For more on this subject, see: Find Your Fate
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)